7 Mindset Changes That Curbs Nasty Reaction To Anger

Anger is not a disease. It is however, a condition.

A condition that everyone goes through every once in a while.

And it is not the presence of anger, or the ability to feel it that causes problems. It is how a person reacts to anger that makes all the difference… and this is where anger management comes in.

It is sometimes puzzling how people can get into such a rage that they do things that they would not normally do.

A great example is road rage. If you have owned your own vehicle and clocked hundreds of miles under your belt, surely you would have encountered bullies on the road. And in some cases, you might actually be the one with a full head of fury.

Why does cutting in front of another driver for example, can leave a driver so livid that he would get off a car and start a fight?

This is such a simple question… yet with such a complicated answer that it’s a good thing we are not discussing it here.

While most people would probably agree that anger has it’s merits from time to time, they would also probably agree that they’d prefer being around people without anger management issues.

And if you are one of those who recognize that you have an anger problem and wishes to manage it, good for you.

You reactive behavior towards anger is directed by your mindset. This mindset is a set of rules of how you see the world and life in general. And when strangers or sometimes people you are familiar with do not fall in line with your “rules”, you feel outraged.

This is the source of where your destructive behavior gets it’s justification from.

Here are some ways to change unhealthy mindset to manage anger.

1) Stop assuming life is predictable

The expectations you have on your surroundings and the people around you is like a ticking time-bomb.

Because nothing can be predicted in life other than what movies are showing on Netflix, expecting the world in general to adhere to your standards and expectations is a recipe for disappointment.

And when events happen that makes a mockery of your “rules”, your temper explodes.

Again. Please be mindful that everybody feel anger. It’s your management of it that is the problem. Anyone can be seething at what they view as injustice. But most are able to just let it go and not pursue them with their emotionally-charged anger.

Expect the unexpected in life. Stop expecting the expected.

Going back to the driver who cut into another driver’s lane, view such an event as things that happen thousands of times each day. That is a fact!

And sometimes, you even do the same. Don’t take it personally.

2) Prank yourself

How do you defuse your frustration to certain specific incidents? By taking on the challenge head-on of course!

  • If you hate being on hold on the phone, call up the busiest hotlines and let them put you on hold.
  • If queuing flips your switch, next time go find a longer line to wait in line.
  • If spam calls triggers your wrath, next time try spending an extra minute on the line.

The point is to raise the ceiling of your temper. With more practice, it would take more extreme versions of the same event to get your temperature rising.

Who knows… you might even finally see and light and fully eliminate your reactive anger from certain events.

3) Change your self-talk

I know this is easier said than done. After all how much self-control can you have when you are feeling exasperation?

That exactly right.

I’m not asking you to change your feelings. I’m just suggesting that you change the way you talk to yourself.

For example, let’s say the kitchen made a terrible mistake of cooking you chicken chops instead of a juicy stake. And you are totally vexed at the waiter who brought you the meal.

At this point you might be feeling terribly angry and telling yourself “I’m going to stir-fry this waiter’s ass right on the stove”.

Try telling yourself “Mistakes happen. Just tell the waiter and the cook should be able to grill my steak in 10 minutes tops.”

Positive and non-violent self-talking is an essential skill of almost all successful people. It helps to not only enable an individual to make clearer decisions, but also help to build more valuable relationships as well.

Change the tone and outlook of that little voice in your head, and you might actually change your life.

4) Venting is not the only option

I get it. Sometimes you might feel that showing your horns is the only way to communicate to someone that you are not someone to mess with.

But then again… why is it necessary for others to perceive you as not a pushover?

And that is just your perception. Most of the time, people don’t even think about thinking whether you are a pushover or not.

It’s all in your own head. And rises from the expectations in your head as mentioned in point #1.

Recognize that venting is a choice. You can actually choose not to vent even when provoked.

And if your purpose is to send a message that you are no loser, there are various other ways to do that as well. The threat of violence is so early century…

If you really need to vent, go squeeze a stress ball, or go kill some pigs on Angry Birds.

5) Rehearse

A lot of times, we get angry because we got caught with a blind spot. We didn’t see something coming and the sudden appearance send our thoughts over the edge.

And the instinctive response is to get angry.

A simple way to counter this form of anger is to think about all possible scenarios and outcomes of events. And rehearse in your head how to respond and what to do next.

In team sports for example, coaches and managers tailor their tactics with their own predictions what which players would be involved in the opposing team. And if it didn’t turn out as they predicted, they change tactics to manage these unexpected events.

Do you see them resolving these challenges with anger?

No they pretty much have everything planned. It is all about finding out for certain what lineup, players, and tactics the opponent would be engaging in. And then go with the rehearsed reactions accordingly.

You can practice the same.

6) Activate your facade

A facade is a personality mask you put on when interacting with others. Almost everyone will have a full arsenal of different facades in their personality drawer.

It is like you behaving differently when being in the presence of your parents, in-laws, childhood friends, acquaintances, colleagues, best friends, spouse, etc.

Like an actor, we put on these varying personas when meeting different people for one reason or another.

A great way to control your anger and remain calm is to put on one of your facades.

Surely the good boy meeting his in-laws is not going to make a scene? Or is he?

7) Fix thinking errors

There are countless thinking errors that wreak havoc on our lives. I urge anyone to look into themselves and become aware of them.

Then take appropriate actions to tweak them.

On a final note, notice that anger is not unique to you. Anger management is about how you manege your reaction to it. And in many cases, it’s all a matter of DECIDING to put the matter to bed.

5 Ways To Distance Yourself From Worries

Sometimes whatever we do and whatever positive mindset we have cultivated in our mind, there is still no escape from our worries.

We can never totally annihilate worries from our minds. Even the cookie jar down to it’s last 5 pieces can leave some of us in a tight fix.

Well… at least when we are unable to blast worries into thin air, at least there are some things we can do to distance ourselves and escape it.

1) Distraction

The brain is not programmed to focus on 2 things at the same time. It just cannot work that way unless you are a genetic genius.

This means that by distracting yourself with something else, your mind will inevitably wander off from your worries.

The distraction will be even more powerful if it requires you to engage with it physically.

When we are physically involved with an activity, the mind needs to call on it’s survival and safety instincts to keep you safe. This further dissipates the worries clinging onto your head.

Try watching your favorite TV shows, playing computer games, reading a book, housekeeping, etc.

2) Exercise

When your body is trying to cope with the punishment you are delivering through exercise, it has little time (if any at all) to think about anything else.

Not only does exercise keep you away from harboring negative thoughts, It enhances your overall body health as well.

  • Running
  • Cycling
  • Gym
  • Tennis
  • Badminton
  • etc

After exercise, your body would also release a hormone called endorphins. This is a substance that helps reduce stress.

3) Confide

A lot of times when we have problems on the mind the size of Godzilla, what we really just need is a listening ear.

Not just any ear, mind you. The ears of people close to you is what you want.

The therapeutic effects of being heard feeds a psychological need to be understood.

You might think that your problems are unsolvable or that you already have the answers to your problems.

Yet just talking about it with someone you trust can give you a clearer mind and make you feel better. You might even find a better solution suggested by the listener!

4) Humor

You probably don’t need reminding about how big or small your issues are.

So why not make a joke out of it?

Gather your funniest friends and tell them how ridiculous and stupid your worries are. This sets the tone for the comedy to come in.

Before you know it, your friends have come up with 10 angles on how funny your situation is. And you could be laughing yourself silly from them.

Friends are the best at making things seem simple. Make use of them.

5) Relax

When we feel tension physically on the body and mentally in the mind, our worries seem to magnify.

You might actually have a simple situation that did not turn well. Yet your body and mental condition just made you think about it in it’s most adverse way.

Get a massage, visit the spa, listen to some calming music, get some sleep. Try some breathing exercises if you can.

4 Tips To Use Humor And Laugh Away Stress

There is a lot of truth in the saying “Laughter is the best medicine”. This is even more so when the condition you are trying to cure is related to mentality.

You are never going to be happy when you take life too seriously. That can only guarantee a spike in your stress levels.

There always a side of humor to even the most serious subjects and situations. And when you are able to pivot mindfully to see the funny side of things, the toughness of life can be that little more bearable.

While common sense tells us that a joke in a tense situation can lighten the mood and dissipate the chaos going in your head, there is actually a little science to it.

I don’t know if this was endorsed by Doctors. But research has shown that laughter:

  • Relaxes the muscles in the body
  • Blood pressure and heart rate slows right after laughing
  • Endorphins are released by the brain promoting a calmer state of mind
  • Enhances general immunity
  • Reduction of stress hormones
  • Creates detachment from stressful thoughts
  • etc

Do you need anymore reasons to make life more fun, funny, and enjoyable?

Here are 3 simple ways to add more laughter in life.

1) Framing and reframing

Do you remember a time when you were a spectator in an event when someone was speaking on stage? His presentation was so bad that found it hilarious.

That was your perspective.

Can you imagine the amount of anxiety the presenter was feeling while up there? His mind must be tumbling all over the place from the mistakes that he was making.

This is a concept that you can embrace.

The next time you get into a stressful situation, look at yourself from a third person point of view. You might actually chuckle uncontrollably at the comedy you are creating.

For example, when you mess up your slides at a meeting presentation, imagine how funny you would have looked in the eyes of the participants in the room.

Nothing bad is going to happen. So don’t take yourself so seriously.

2) Surround yourself with funny people

There is something magnetic about people who make others laugh. They just always seem to never be alone.

It’s not about charisma or leadership. It just them having a sense of humor that others enjoy.

You should surround yourself with, or be around, funny people. They never seem to have a bad day. Ever!

Not only will be be keeping a check on your stress levels. But when you pick up the skills or techniques of being funny, others might start flocking to you instead for fun!

Getting such attention can even reverse your stressful lifestyle to one that is happy all the time.

3) Think about the timeless jokes you have experienced

Off the top of my head, I have about 5 past experiences that are so funny that I cannot stop laughing the moment I think about them.

I’m serious. Even after so many years, I still find them so hilarious that my eyes get wet sometimes.

I’m absolutely sure that you can recall at least a few of these occurrences in life that made you more than just smile.

Nobody said that you are not allowed to re-live those moments and have a big laugh over it all over again. In fact, use them every time you feel depressed.

Maybe it’s a scene out of a famous movie. Maybe it’s a time when your best friend fell into the lake. Or maybe it was one of those pranks you did in college. Replay them in your head and let yourself go.

4) Youtube

If you need to call on the Calvary, look no further than YouTube.

Search for anything and include the word “funny” in your search phrases and you will be sure to see a few funny viral videos pop up.

Youtube is truly a lifesaver in terms of stress management.

Just be wary of how much time you spend on it. Losing track of time is one of the drawbacks of being on that portal.

Before you know it, you might have spent an hour or 2 on it.

Humor is one of the best, if not the best, ways to alleviate stress. It’s free and irresistibly contagious. Tap on this natural remedy to make yourself feel better.

The Pros And Cons Of Anger

Anger is often associated with negative connotations. Yet is it not all bad.

Some of the most successful people I’ve personally met have little to no reservations to unleashing their anger. The is management and how to harness the power of it.

Everybody experience a bout of anger every once in a while. And many feel embarrassed and even ashamed whenever they display it.

It is important to understand that anger is not all bad. There are good elements to it as well.

Positives of anger

If given a choice, I would bet that people would choose to feel angry rather than depressed.

And that is not without reason.

1) Feel alive

As perverse as this sounds, anger can actually make you feel alive.

Your senses heighten. Your fear of being judged diminish. And you are suddenly not afraid of telling what you think as it is.

You become… in the moment.

2) Feel powerful

As a lot of people have either a hold on their anger or a high ceiling of tolerance, most people will not challenge your anger with anger in return.

In fact, somehow we tend to assume that the sensible response to an angry man is to stay calm and be accommodating.

This lack of aggression by other make the angry person feel powerful like an alpha male gorilla thumping his chest.

What a wonderful feeling.

3) Get results from intimidation

As mentioned previously, most people would accommodate those that are angry.

Just look at the customer service centers for mobile phones. The louder a customer argues and the bigger the scene is made, the more likely the store manager would be to offer a truce discount of maybe 10%. 😀

When things don’t go your way, throwing your rattle out of the pram can often work in your favor.

4) Not a pushover

I always felt that standing up for yourself is an important aspect of life in every area.

But a lot of people determine that standing up for yourself is about getting angry!

There are various ways to present yourself when standing up for yourself. But evoking angry while doing it can often serve as a warning to others not to try taking advantage of you again.

This behavior is rampant in corporate offices. I can attest to that.

Negatives of anger

As you can see, there are some very convincing reasons why anger is embraced by some people especially in the line of work.

But even so, the negative aspects of anger greatly outweighs the positives that can be extracted from it.

1) It can make you sick

Getting angry can trigger a flurry of physiological reactions. And not only can is cause an immediate problem in extreme circumstances, it can also have long term effects on the body.

  • Cardiac arrest
  • Passing out
  • Stroke
  • High blood pressure
  • Mental conditions
  • etc

There is actually a lot of science behind this.

Ever heard of the saying “Making my blood boil”? Maybe there is some story behind it.

2) Heart problems

The cardiovascular system becomes vulnerable whenever we get angry. I don’t think we need proof to conclude that.

But if you want to know the specifics, anger increases blood flow to muscles, spike levels of adrenaline, jacks up cortisol, etc.

Even though heart diseases are usually attributed to cholesterol levels and unhealthy habits like smoking, having anger issues does not exactly give you a good base to work with.

3) Causing pain to people around you

It’s bad enough is you have a tendency to physically hurt people when you get angry. But the more painful part is the emotional and psychological damage you put on family and friends.

It’s no fun being around people who gets angry all the time over minuscule issues.

Friends and colleagues start to avoid you and gets too uncomfortable in your presence to be themselves. You start to strain relationships that would take a lot of time to mend, if ever.

That’s just your friends. You family has it worse.

You wife or husband is stuck with you. And the only way to cut ties should you continue with your ways is a divorce.

And what about your children? Is your anger creating a conducive environment for them to grow up into responsible adults?

Your family would be suffering so much pain. Yet have limited options for action. Even you probably won’t want to live under these conditions.

4) Shorter lifespan

Research has shown that people suffering from anger management issues have a shorter lifespan.

Is that not enough to convince you that a change might be necessary?

Appropriate use of anger

Anger is a very powerful emotion that can cause complete chaos.

But if you learn how to channel that anger into a drive to achieve, you could find all the motivation you would ever need to be a stand out success in life.

And in the world of negotiation, sometimes anger can be a very effective tactic to slip onto the negotiating table.

This is probably why counselors and professionals treating victims of anger often don’t go about trying to totally eliminate anger from a sufferer. They only attempt to train him or her on managing it.